Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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