I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
