just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize