The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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