Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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