I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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