This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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