If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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