You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
