This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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