she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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