Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You ate ashes out of my bong
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
