Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
