I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
