Sry I called you an 8
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
