I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
