And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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