I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Everything about him screamed your future.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
