dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
