Don't you send me to vm
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
