He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
