U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Floor bacon is actually really good
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
