I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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