I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
