this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
