I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
