either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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