Apparently you make a good broom.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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