We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize