My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
