He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
