yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
