that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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