nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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