btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
