something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
