If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
How naked do you want me to be?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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