when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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