I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
