On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
