I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
