grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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