Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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