I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
