That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
