I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
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