I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
