Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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