we need to drink 2009 down the drain
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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