My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
