An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
