I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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