Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
