I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
we're making bets on your personal life
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
