i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
