Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
