check it out our google latitudes are spooning
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
