she was so not down for the gang bang
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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