I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
