His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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