This girl is more easily done than said...
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
