Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
