So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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