On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
