she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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