i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
