i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
