Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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