I wannas sexs uuuuu
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
