He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
