I cockslap morals
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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